Why the Dawgs Should be Bearded

(Note: The following post is completely ridiculous and purposefully unsubstantiated.)
(Note #2: Click the title of this post to see pictures in full size.)

David Hale at the Bulldogs Blog wrote on Thursday that Georgia's head football coach Mark Richt is tightening the rules for players this spring, by making tucking in shirts and snapping chin straps mandatory. It seems that enforcing small rules such as these actually helps players to find more success academically and to stay out of trouble when not on the practice field. I love the fact that the coaching staff and the players are working hard to succeed on and off the field, but I believe that one aspect of the new rules program is restricting something that is natural and glorious in God's creation of man (and some women): the beard.

According to Coach Richt, the players used to be allowed to have facial hair, as long as it was trimmed and neatly presented. Now, however, prohibition of beards will be in full force.

Shocked and confused, I commented on David's blog, asking if I read the quotes correctly. He replied that although beards will be allowed during the spring (and summer I presume), in the fall, hair "from the lip down" will be punishable (by death, I presume. Or running laps).

I simply don't understand. Beards are the purest symbol of manliness, an outward expression of the strength and boldness of all that is male. Beards also symbolize wisdom and experience, and thus should be worn by our team's leaders.



Besides, plenty of famous athletes have beards, sometimes even during the best parts of their sports careers.

Ben Roethlisberger recently led the Pittsburgh Steelers to win SuperBowl XLIII, all while sporting a goatee+moustache combo.


Brian McCann, one of the Atlanta Braves' star players and representative in the past 3 MLB All Star Games, almost always sports a full beard, which is possibly responsible for his strength and finesse while hitting homeruns with ease.

And this is Rasputin. As far as I know, he was never an athlete in any sport, but he did have a pretty awesome beard. With a beard like this representing his manliness, it's no surprise that it took him getting stabbed, shot multiple times, clubbed, and thrown into an icy river to finally die. In other words, he'd probably be able to take plenty of hits at the running back position.


Now I understand that allowing facial hair above the lips means that moustaches are alright, but not all moustaches. For instance, the "fu manchu" 'stache by definition reaches below the lips on the sides of the mouth. So, Coach Richt, if these rules really are to be enforced, you won't be able to pace the sidelines wearing one of these.


Sorry, Coach, but rules are rules.